What Your Favorite Shoe Brand Says About You

Down below I have a plethora of shoe brands that may be your favorite. Find your favorite company and see what it says about you! Let’s jump right in.



They’re actually called a-DAD-is.. If you’re a current owner of adidas sneakers, congratulations, you’re $140 investment was a good one. You’re looking like a snack right now, and you’ll never own a better pair of shoes in your life. That is, unless you buy another pair of a-dad-is sneakers.
Strut these down the hall and feel like a star because you are one.

Under Armour:

If you’re a current owner of Under Armour shoes, you’ve hit a mid-life crisis. An absence of fashion and pride seem to be void in your semi-interesting lifestyle.



Did you say ASICKs? Yeah, no. Asics are ugly and and a complete eye-sore. These shoes expose your sense of fashion, lack of decency and non-existent hope for a future.

New Balance:


Some may wonder what that mysterious N actually stands for. Noodles? Newton? Nugget? But you know. You’re proudly flexing the 20th century dad shoes which makes you a true American. Children will look up to you for months to come.



Sketchers? More like sketchy. If you wear these, it means your mom picked them out and bought them for you. I’m all for free shoes, but it’s time to step up your game. Sorry mom, Sketchers are for kids.



These shoes were popular in the 1970’s & 80’s and it needs to stay that way. It’s ‘totally rad dude’ if you wear Vans on throwback Thursday, but it’s time to broaden your horizons and see what’s actually trending these days.


A typical sport look that screams ‘look at me, I fit in too.’



If you thought your Saucony’s stood for ‘sauce me,’ you’re wrong. It is a travesty that these shoes exist. If you own a pair, sauc(e)ony yourself up a quick dub and throw these in the garbage. Assuming you keep them, you’ll be looking like a walking high-lighter. Yikes, I could find one of those at a dollar store…



Since when was being an angsty skater teen bad? If you own a pair of Heely’s, you’re straight fire. You have an impeccable sense of boldness and self-worth. I myself want to know what it’s like to roll down the hallway and not take a step.

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